Loving You is Not Easy 

I bring the knife and you sharpen its edges.

We cut ourselves deep until we could feel our bones. Never knowing that the pain is going to numb the heartbreak that was about to follow. Each cut deeper than the first, each cry softer than the last. Can you hear me, call out your name? That’s all I can remember now.

I fill the tub and you block the drain.

We hold onto each other and let ourselves go. We drown in a pool of our demise and all we can do is sink. We take with us promises of love and life. We give up on dreams and plans and hope that one day we’ll be together but if not in this life maybe then in another.

I load the bullets and you pull the trigger.

We blow up our hearts but our souls don’t hear a thing. All they know is something’s missing but I think it’s mostly your goodnight kisses that are missed. The way they touched my soul so lightly making a tiny little room leaving behind scars that I now wear like battle wounds.

I want now and I want tomorrow. And I want it with you.

Loving you is not easy, it never has been but I’m still here and everything I’ve said before this doesn’t matter.

I want to feel you in my bones when I lay next to you, I want to hold you now and make promises last forever. I want your kiss to be the last thing I remember at the end of the day and wake up in the morning feeling them on my skin again, like trophies of our love.

I want now and I want tomorrow. And I want it with you.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me call out your name?

Loving you is not easy but I’m still here. I always have been. All that’s left is for you to come back; come back home.

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